Pain

I feel that I have wasted lots of my time doing ridiculous matters. One of the things is staying up watching anime and scrubs when I should be doing my assignment. I guess a lot of times I just want to run !! RUN RUN !! Run to a place where the pain is not there. Run to a place I won't feel the rejection.

Because, rejection is my weakest link. I cannot face rejection. If I do, I will just give up everything and walk. I would just wish I was dead. Rejection from the very people I love. I guess that is the biggest pain one can feel. Knifes and bullets are no match. The man loses his soul. He no longer lives in his body.

The second biggest pain one can feel is being lonely. I created the word- Onirihphic - the fear of being alone. Its the sound. A ringing sound in your ear. The thoughts that says you are alone. Its like you no longer exist in the eyes of people. You just wish you do not want to live either. Because living alone seems to be pointless. I feel that a lot since I came to college. Maybe because when I am home I had my family and best friends to keep me away from such illness.


The third biggest pain is knowing that your friend is going to the wrong road and you can do anything about. The feeling of hopelessness. This feeling is like cutting off your hands and legs. Not only that, despite the pain. You just see your love ones being killed. It horrible. You are asking for help but nothing seems to done. You want to help but that person no longer needs you. You are just an annoying noise that bugs make.

The last pain is the hardest. The feeling of being abandoned. This feeling might seem to be same as rejection but its on a whole new level. I felt this feeling thrice in my whole life. Its when someone leaves you for someone better. Its so horrible that you feel hell is not even better place to suffer. You feel like you can no longer walk or even eat. You feel a surging pain in the heart and brain. It wont stop even when you close your eyes and try to sleep. It will bug you until you are just want to scream.