SICK

A famous saying goes " A friend in need is a friend in deed ". I never quite understood that phrase until recently. "Deed" is describe in the English dictionary as something Legal or done by somebody (participating). I think one can truly see the real friends behind fake ones when things are not going well for them. Something I would like to call system down.

To be honest, I have not been much of a friend either so criticize me as much as you need ! It all started last Thursday when I had a soar throat. I could not speak well but things were just normal around me. I was feeling kind of sleepy and I was blur. There were other problems that cause irritation to my longing to pass lecturer hours. Staggering through one lecturer hall to another was a dread though I would not have prefered otherwise. Things sort took a 180 turn when Monday came. I was now contracted with flu and a possible fever.

People start to distant me from them. I don't blame them for this !! I would have done the same thing. Apart from that, I now felt the full impact of my sickness as I was occasionally falling asleep in classes and was not paying full attention. I was blowing my nose and stopping my running nose. People started to go "eeww" or "no no no " as I sat there alone in the front row of my classroom and lecturer hall. It did not really matter because I have gotten use to the idea of not seating with someone because I am not someone who attracts attention naturally or when I talk. I need to try very hard to capture people's attention all the time. Thats besides the point. Some others have told me to see a doctor knowing full well I did not have a fever. I guess it was for fear of their safety more than even a drop of concern. Well I guess they were concern but they were concern about themselves. And you have the friends who you thought would care but never even appeared in front of people. I was feeling all kinds of emotions. Sickness was an added cause.

If the story ends her, would it not be a sad one ?? Somehow the thing that made me sway from the thought of dying from the possible contraction of h1n1 would be fine. I first met two friends who said get well soon, really would like to see get well." It was heart warming !! And then when I was eating my dinner. Two people walk towards me. One was an "angel" the other (no it was not a demon) a good brother. The angel touch my forehead to check if i had fever. Well something resounded within. The brother scolded me for not telling him. Both really made me feel I had someone there when no one cared. I am blest beyong blest to have them !! The next day a phone call from mom scolding me for not telling her about my soar throat and condition and a caring family upholding me in prayer and non-stop worrying about me.

I guess in some ways I can relate and got a little taste of what does it feel like being an HIV positive and even a H1N1 patient. Being alienated from others is bad and I have felt it many a times even when I am not sick. But I can safely say there is hope because there is a God who sends help when you cry out. I may not know how exactly are these people are feeling but somehow I would like to tell them and assure them there is a God looking over them even though the world condemns and hates them !

Unbreakable

I remember watching a movie name unbreakable when i was young .. I think it was the star actor was Bruce Willis. I guess I was young then because seriously I did not understand what happens .. It is so weird ! Most Bruce Willis films are !! hehe .. What do I mean about being unbreakable ? Am I super great about that I am unbreakable ? Or is it when you throw me down the four floor or six I wont die ? Absolutely not. What I just mean is that I was so troubled with my heart issues and that gadget that I am suppose to make for the "Pengakap" and my group has fallen far behind and about CF tomorrow !! Things sort of was going to tumbles down and I was going to be depress. And yet I think it is because of God's grace I manage to talk to Him and seek comfort and help from Him. I was able to draw strength and peace at heart from Him. He knows all things and is always willing to hear your deepest trouble. He cares for the weak, the wrong, and the abandon. And He will pick them out when you call out to Him. God cares and loves !! And with Him, I am unbreakable not because I am tough but He is strong !

Words that knock your head !!

I never thought I would become knocked !! I guess a person that loves you dearly will send "knocking words" waking the person within ! What am I talking about ? It is those words that pierce your heart and sort of make sense in your head suddenly ! It comes from a friend, a parent (very rare but it happens) and yes even a lover (for those who have one).
My life has not exactly being in the right path and definately it has not been what I hope for. I have been lazy. I have wasted most of time watching movies and surfing the internet and doing useless things. Yes, you can argue with me saying those are necessary but I have been overdoing it. I have also filled my head and heart with nonsense. I have been left dry and empty becoming a person that seeks to fill unquenching hunger that would one day destroy me. I guess God has been knocking and I have turned a deaf ear to him. BUT. I guess today He made a point that is so crucial. He said it through the wise words of my dad. The words uttered out were Daniel, you are not like the others. You are different . I am different and indeed because I am God child and I am His.

Love defined

According to Macmillan's Dictionary, Love is to be very strongly attracted to someone in an emotional and sexual. I guess in some aspects this definition has been in my head so often that I always seeking for this love and to be accepted and sort after. I guess I so often forget this definition of love :


Love is patient, Love is kind
It does not envy, it does not boast
It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking , it is not easily angered
It keeps not record of wrongs. Love does delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails.

1 Cor 13

I guess I have to learn through the hard way that love is all about giving, it is does seek self pleasure, self wants and fulfillment. It does not envy others, it does not boast about who I have or other great talents I have. It is not being proud and rude that others run away from you. It does change you in the green creature the moment you see the person you like or your best friend being intimate with others. It is not easily angered. It is definately not showing your tantrum and hoping someone would come and care. It keeps no record of wrong. Even when the person hurt you so badly because he stole everything you thought you had. Even though that person does not want to cooperate with you when you begged. Even though it is a big let down when your hopes are so high. It does not delight in evil. It is not doing things that you know would that person. It is not doing things that brings you pleasure and others harm. But rejoices when someone accepts the Lord. Rejoices when a brother is with you. Rejoices in knowing God loves you wherever you are. Rejoices know that God sends people to knock your sense back. It protects not posses. It is going all out for someone when you know your position will threaten. It is giving advices that you know that person won't here but you know it will save him or her a whole lot of pain and trouble. It always trust. It is to faith in someone that he or she will not betray you. It is to know that someone will make it alright. It is to know that he or she will not let you down. It always hope. It hopes that some day that person will find God. It hopes that one day God will lead you someday. It hopes that God has prepared that special someone for you. It is hope that when you have lived your live that it is worthwhile because you live it with no regrets. It perseveres. It holds on when you have lost faith. It holds on when you feel so down and just want to quit being you. It holds on when you thought any time of the day the sky will fall and you hope you will contract a disease and die. It holds one when you have nothing. And yes trust me It will NEVER FAIL you. Where can you find such love so powerful and awesome. In the God that lives within your heart!! I could never understand the power of love and I will never be able but today I think I got a glimpse of its greatness by just understanding it. It is more joyous to give then to receive. =D