Two face

Mentioning two face I will remember one of the famous actor name Tomily Jones or did I spell it his name right ? He played two face in a batman movie and yes the recent batman movie is still vivid in my mind. I guess many of us are two faced. Apart of us are like angels show our smiles and caring attitude to the less fortunate, donate to charity or even contribute to the environment ? HOWEVER, like it a not, there is apart of us that have the same smile but do things that the two horned and the fork knife dude agree upon. We can pretend all we want but sometimes we are selfish, lustful and always craving short terms pleasure for others. We are cruel and have many deadly intentions well hidden within of some would say an animal. On the thought of animal, I once heard that men are animals that we are the same. Well, I would agree to a certain extend cecause we have been created with an intellect and heart. We humans have the ability to resent those evil things in our heart, to repel agaisnt them, and to have the ability to say NO! But we give in and because it is part of us (some may argue). My friends, we can resist this evil in our lives and we do so by trusting in God. Only He can make the change. It must a hand in hand cooperation. What is funny is that many a times we think God has left us but it is us that leave the walk to change. It is us that secretly don't want to change and it is a struggle even though God has been patiently calling us out from our dark hole. Therefore unless we want to change everyday , we will never ever change

New that upset s

The effort to revert back to old system has once again been brought up and things have turn bad. I thought we were moving towards a better development and expansion of knowledge. The technology which have been provided could have been learnt in the new system. Communications could be breech easily and most importantly the mind could see better rather than curtains of "culture" and "dignity". It is really an upsetting and disappointing news. I guess the people on the other side are smile with from ear to ear. I just frustrated !!

Another thing that frustrated me is myself. I guess God made guys with a big ego and I seriously do not know why. When men do not make it, this ego get scared and he gets wounded. I would one day like to ask God why He created so many things in a man's body that would make him fall. The run was simple. I thought I could make it but I guess it is another round of defeat. How many times must I fall ? It getting more and more painful each time. Its like every effort I try to vindicate myself I fall ? Can't I do anything ? I feel terribly disappointed with myself and extremely frustrated. I guess God created man's ego balloon and poke it so that man would know his place. I guess I know my place !!

MOV play

I guess I have a glimpse of how Micheal Bay felt when he worked the movie transformers or his older movies such as "Armageddon". The tiredness felt each night as you hit your room or home is unbearable. I guess if you do not have a class in the morning, it would have made it easier. But none the less, I am sure it is pure hard work. Working with 51 people to produce a play it self is no doubt a head spinning event. 51 individuals who has different concepts and ideas regarding the play that has to stage in a short period of 2 months.

I can never say that I did not want to be an assistant director because I wanted to contribute my all in making this play a success. But as I hold on to this post, I felt the sacrifice are just too great. It is because of this play, I have started arguing with some of my friends and have conflicts with them. It is because of this play, I am having a sudden pain in my throat. It is because of this conflict I appear tired and drained out in class. It is because of this play, I am critizise and looked down upon.

I guess being among people has never been my strong point. I do appear to be an extrovert but many a times I am an introvert because I tend to friendly and close to my friends around me. I have a sense of discomfort if any new people are added in my group. I can safely say I don't have many friends because I am not sure if it is a character flaw but I almost always make enemies with those who are close to me, that is why I do fear a sense of intimacy. People might call me a people "pleaser" because I always try my best to avoid conflict with them because whenever conflict strikes I fall and my whole being is disturbed. I will feel the surging pain and would be utterly lost.

Enough said about myself. I guess MOV is a good play to stage. However, being able to be stage it would a test of endurance and strength. I do not know how long can I tolerate the side effects of directing this play but I guess I just have to hold on and pray each day that My God will be gracious to me.

Difficult moments

I wonder why most of the time the posts I make are saddening. Well, I guess I write when I am not well. There are always difficult moments in life, and this moments always comes to you when you least expected it. May it be a conflict with a friend, a time of loneliness, a time where you remember someone important who has left, a failure, difficult choices to make they come and some may just scar your life. What do I do when I face tough times ? I guess I would just close my eyes and sleep hoping the time will just past and I would not have to face it. But one think that helps me most is prayer though sometime I do admit I falter and do not even believe in some of them but it comforts me to pray to someone more powerful and stronger than me. So my dear friends if you face tough moment DO PRAY