One inch more

I played badminton today. It is probably due to the futsal competition, my partner usher did not followed me to the badminton competition. Anyway, I went by myself to the badminton chord to find there were only a few players at the chord. Within a few minutes I was up, I went in partnering with someone who can be considered one of the better players there. With this in mind, I was confident I was going to win. But you know what ? I lost due to carelessness on both parties. We lost 21-20. We should have won. Next match, again I lost partnering another uncle 21- 18 and Last was with Dr. L and He was a good player. Being around him and his partner always posts an impression that I have to perform my best so that I wont let him down. I tried my best but THOSE STUPID mistakes met me !! We lost 21 -13.

Thinking of the badminton game today led me to think of my life thus far. I think of the decisions I have made so far, the decision to chose a career path that only two in my blinking good school would even consider. The decision of let go of something so so important to me. Stupid decisions like speaking at the wrong time, tone to another. The decision to avoid someone or speak something stupid. The decision to say yes to some place in the student council due to friendship . The decision to study when others would play. The decision to do idiotic things which I know I would immediately regret as soon as it is done.

My point after rattling like an old grandmother is What if the decisions I made were terrible ones. What if I am not suppose to here. What if I could be someone else being with someone else. What if I missed my mark by just an inch. What if I messed up my this one life on planet earth.
I somehow feel at a lost with what I am now !! Many a times I know I stand alone. I know I am an outspoken person and yes I have many weakness that people hate. People will usually walk away. My moral once asked our group that is there someone in your class that nobody likes and always left out without groups. I feel I am the one person. AM I at the wrong place ??? AM I miserable because of my stupidity ??? Do I want the sympathy of others ? I am at a lost again !!