Dealing hard facts !

Hi there, I know not many people actually browse this blog and read. Some others might just read it and never want to return to this page and view it again. Despite that, I have a story. And If you are reading this, lend me your ears.

Since I was a kid, I have always wanted to recognize by my friends : Be it my stupid classmates, my secondary school classmates, my seniors and my buddies. I wanted to be a part of them so much. I always wanted to belong never wanting to be left out or rejected. Thus I have became very sensitive and try to discern when they were not in favor of anything in me. I would feel that they have rejected and never want me. I would be on the look out that I do not do things that will caused any problems. I always wanted a deeper relationship. I have always wanted to know them more so I could fill my empty cup. I was always hurt when they did not want to talk to me or ignored me. It seems that they have rejected me and I had to learn this when I was a 7 year old kid.

To be honest with you guys out there, I was never accepted into any group of friends. I never had that "gang" or that special "group" that I always hang out with. Even if I did, it would never last because I would become sensitive and they would eventually leave me.

I was given a chance to live live with a group of friends when I reached college. In fact I managed to end myself with a couple of groups. I was happy that I was not alone anymore and I had this great family (class) to support me. Well that did not end as well as it goes. Things turn upside down, I realize that they are not really backing me up as I thought they would. I got into more conflicts with the people that I want to be because I kept wanting to be like them to follow them. I was annoyed with myself. I was depressed because I felt this world hated me. I felt that I could never fit in wherever I go. I would be lonely for the rest of my life. I had a broken heart and no shoulder to cry upon. I was unappreciated in my class. I have constant conflict with myself because I do not agree with what my heart says.

Now for you boys and girls out there ! Do you know that God loves you ! Even though every single thing you do in life is a failure? Even though you felt like you hit the bottom of the ocean when he broke your heart ? Even though you have filled those emptiness with lust and empty relationships? Even though you know you have made the wrong choices and mistakes? I am not a know it all. In fact, I think I would probably suffer most of all you guys ! But tonight, I realized that God loves me. He loves me in ways that I could never comprehend. Tonight, I felt that HEY, he made me and I am who I am. Though they cannot accept me ! He does. Though I do not belong, I belong to Him. And when I belong to Him, He is my rock on where I stand. And my wish is, I want to show the world. The world of rejects that there is still someone that loves them. Someone they belong to. A winner that ones to make losers a part of his winning team.

Again. I am not saying that I am all saintly and know it all. I have many failures and many a times I dwell in my failures. A wise men once told me

A wise men once told me It is the moment you overcome your failure, you are victor

So my friends, If feel like killing yourself today ! Know that whenever you do. There is heart that bleed for you !